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If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

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If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

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All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

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Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

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Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

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I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

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If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

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I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

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All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

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My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.